Specialists Recommend Some Couples Sleep Separately
Michael Solender and his wife have been together for 42 years, but for the last 32 years they have slept in separate rooms.
Their sleep separation was due to his heavy snoring that eventually led to a diagnosis of sleep apnea and his use of a CPAP machine.
The machine stopped his snoring, but they continued to sleep apart in their North Carolina home because he's typically warm at night and she's usually cold.
"For us to maintain separate rooms for sleep just makes for a healthier relationship and a better relationship," said Solender, 66.
Snoring, cover stealers, and tossing and turning often lead to partners sleeping separately. Other possible issues include illness, different work shifts, or different sleep schedules.
More than one-third of Americans said they occasionally or regularly sleep in another room from their partner, according to an American Academy of Sleep Medicine study last year.
Dr. Seema Khosla, a spokesperson for the academy, said getting enough sleep — usually seven to eight hours for adults — is important for healthy relationships.
Studies indicate that people who regularly experience poor sleep are more likely to experience conflict with their partners, said Khosla.
"It's really a question of people prioritizing their sleep," Khosla said. "I have had patients who have been married like 60 years and they swear that separate bedrooms is a reason."
Dr. Phyllis Zee, director of a sleep clinic at Northwestern Memorial Hospital in Chicago, said sleep is less robust in middle age.
"In general, you're more prone to getting things like insomnia or sleep apnea. And so that begins to be bothersome," she said.
While there's no shame in sleeping apart, Zee said technology has helped make sharing a bed easier in some ways. White noise machines, cooling pillows and bedding, and dual control electric blankets can help, Zee said. And some couples sleep more easily with separate blankets.
However, sleep separation is more accepted now as people have become more aware of the importance of quality sleep to overall health, Zee said.
